In each and every moment of your life (including this moment right now) you have an important choice to make. Will you choose to be scared, or choose to be free? In the events of the past few weeks, and the passing of my mother-in-law, I was acutely aware of the choices I had in each moment.
When my husband and I found out how suddenly the end was approaching, it was quite shocking (and untimely). There was a tiny voice in side of me that started going through all of the “what if’s.” What if she passed before David got there? What if I needed to close my business for the week… or cancel my retreat? What if I never got to say goodbye? What if…
As soon as I noticed the contractions around all of the “what if’s,” I realized they were all coming from a place of fear. They were making me feel like I was running scared. I’ve never gone through this before; I didn’t know how to BE or what to do. So, I asked myself, “is this how I want to be feeling right now?” Did I want to be feeling the fear, the frantic energy and the worry about “what if?” Well, the only answer to that question was no.
So, instead I chose to feel free within myself and make decisions from that space. Not surprisingly, grace joined me in that place and we easily got my husband on the next plane out of Baltimore with no problem. (While he didn’t make it to his mom before she passed, he made peace within himself around her passing.) I changed the date of my retreat to start one day later and the attendees adjusted to the change with such grace, as did the bed and breakfast I was holding it at… they had the exact number of rooms I needed for the new dates. My parents quickly adjusted their schedule to watch Janet while I was at the retreat so David could stay with his father in Sacramento for an extra week. And, on and on…
I stopped running scared that I wouldn’t have the time I had planned to prepare for the retreat, and chose to release my attachment to what I “thought” I “needed” to do… and the freedom within me allowed for more grace to unfold in a magical retreat. Instead of running scared about some commitment I had to break, I chose to be fr-ee within myself and not beat myself up about having to let some things go so I could be present with my husband and family.
There was so much happening in such a short period of time, each moment was a choice I had to make. Will I run “scared” or will I run “free?”
I invite you to ask yourself this same question right now with whatever is happening in your life. What are you choosing to be your experience? Are you running scared or running free?
Some of you may immediately go to a place in your mind that will quickly begin listing all of the “reasons” why you ought to be scared. Remember that this voice that causes you to feel contracted, fearful, scared, paralyzed, etc… is the voice of your ego. Simply allow yourself to acknowledge the voice. Let it feel heard.
But, as my spiritual teacher says… then turn UP the volume on the voice of your Higher Self. Listen to this voice more closely. Listen for the truth that resides deep within your soul. Your soul sings the song of freedom… no matter what circumstances may be occurring around you. It is YOU that can choose in any moment to allow fear or freedom to determine how you feel.
© 2009 Christine Kloser
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